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  • The system works because Chuck Norris tells it to work
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t need a test suite. The test suite needs Chuck Norris.
  • CPUs run faster to get away from Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris normalizes all schema just by inserting random data
  • Packets travel faster than the speed of light for Chuck Norris, but he can still catch them
  • Chuck Norris’s brain is his revision control, and it works better than git
  • Chuck Norris can finish an infite loop in 1.3 seconds.
  • Code written by Chuck Norris cannot be optimized.
  • Chuck Norris never dies.  He simply returns 0.
  • Chuck Norris can break Moore’s Law
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t need compilers nor editors. He roundhouse kicks the disk and the bytecode appears.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t use GOTO. Code comes to him.
  • There is no theory of probability, just a list of events that Chuck Norris allows to occur.
  • 90% of the worlds spam is handtyped by Chuck Norris. It takes him only 3 minutes.
  • Chuck Norris can parse invalid XML
  • Every time you don’t use “use strict” Chuck Norris kills a kitty.
  • The best compression algorithm in existence are Chuck Norris fists.
  • Chuck Norris can divide by 0.
  • Chuck Norris can compile syntax errors
  • The one true bracing style is the one Chuck Norris uses.
  • Every program Chuck Norris has written can be run backwards. It will rollback whatever it did.
  • No matter how you encrypt your traffic, Chuck Norris can read it by just looking at the cable. His ears can intercept wifi transmissions.
  • Chuck Norris can enrich himself simply by hacking your bank account. He does not do this because there is no challenge in it.
  • MVC actually stands for Model-View-ChuckNorris. Controller is just one of his nicknames.
  • Chuck Norris was written in C# which itself was written in Chuck Norris
  • You don’t follow Chuck Norris on Twitter. He follows you, finds you, and kills you
  • The design of Silverlight DeepZoom was directly inspired by Chuck Norris’ powers of bionic vision.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t write code…oh no, he thinks about the finished product and the code appears.
  • Chuck Norris has no need for virtual methods. Nothing can override Chuck Norris.
  • A synchronize operation doesn’t protect against Chuck Norris, if he wants the object, he takes it.
  • Chuck Norris invented recursion to see what would happen if he roundhouse kicked himself.
  • Chuck Norris can multi-thread on a single processor by breaking it into pieces.
  • Chuck Norris wrote a program that calculated the last digit of pi.
  • Chuck Norris’ compiler is afraid of displaying warnings to him. It just fixes the code automatically.
  • Chuck Norris uses Vista with UAC turned on. He has received no warnings. Ever.
  • Chuck Norris monitor has no glare…no-one glares at Chuck Norris.